Chapter 11

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The sudden sounds of birds chirping caused him to wake up. Startled by the abruptness as he moved his body, gasping for air, the young man sharply inhaled. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, allowing him to breathe easier.

"Where...where am I?" Carter carefully scans his surroundings, seeing the endless snow on the ground and trees surrounding him in a forest-like environment. "What is this place?" He asked himself, "How the hell did I end up here?" He remembers being in bed with Yumi, and then...

Glancing down at his bare feet, his eyes widen in shock. He has different legs, belonging to a time when he was still a child in his previous life as Adam. Making him wonder at first how this is possible in any way without him having to take a bath in acid or ingest a potion.

"No...." Suddenly, the realization hit him at the current state he's in, causing him to become pale at the conclusion he just discovered: "n-n-no, no, no, no!" This has to be a nightmare that he always gets whenever he falls asleep.

Moving his arms near his face, he turned his hands around, opening his palms to see his own child's hands. He didn't want to believe it at first, but he can't deny it; he truly is back as child, the size of his legs and the size of his arms says it all.

Wearing only his short brown pants and white sleeveless shirt, Carter can't believe this is a nightmare that feels so real to the point of actually questioning his own identity and sanity. He felt his face, his hair, his teeth, his shoulders, and everything else, searching for any indication that this was nothing more than a false reality, even going so far as to pinch his own arm.

But even with all of that, deep down, Carter knows this is a simple dream that he shouldn't worry too much about, right? This is just something his unconscious mind made up as a result of the intense stress he has been feeling lately, or worse, the past from his previous life still haunts him to this day.

Never refusing to leave him alone, regardless of how much he tries to run or hide from his own mistakes and regrets. The scars will always be there, as will the memory of those deaths and the misery he experienced from not being able to save his loved ones and failing to keep the promise of saving his daughter, as long as the memories are still there to remind him.

Carter, at this point, wants to just let out all his fragile emotions here; he has been bottling them up for so long, and right now, in the middle of nowhere in his dream, He finally released his anguish, weeping and crying into the ground. He was tired, broken, and exhausted.

Kneeling down with his two legs, he allowed the tears to stream down his face. This has been going on for a while now; he has been bearing the burden of his own life for so long. No matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did or what he accomplished, the only thing Carter can do is keep moving forward.

That's what life is, isn't it? Just to simply live and experience everything that comes with it, both good and bad. Despite him having taken the life of someone else in his previous life before and all the regrets he has, there is always something in the light that pressures him to break down and give up altogether.

He didn't like how unfair the universe was or how much his life has changed, but there is a part of him that has embraced it and enjoyed every single bit of his life as Randolph Carter, with his comrades, his wealth, and the power he has.

"Adam~" Terrifying voice he has always remembered ever since he was a child, calling out his name in a singsong manner, "Oh, Adam~!" She repeated again, causing him to freeze still as her words sent shivers up his spine: "Where are you, baby?"

"Lilith..." His tone of voice was flat and blank, but most of all, he carried the horrifying realization that he was indeed recalling an encounter with that demon. "This can't be real," he said, slowly standing up, taking a moment to calm himself while breathing steadily. "She can't be here," raising his head. A horrifying smile was revealed by the forest's trees from ahead.

"You can't be here!" His mouth widens in shock, glancing at the long red hair, her crimson eyes, and the two horns above the woman's head. Carter knew this was Lilith, or at least a figment of his fractured head. "Leave...leave..." He couldn't even speak properly.

She brought her hands up, extending her arms towards his directions with a wicked smile plastered on the woman's face. "Come back to me," she appeared to be pleading as if she were desperate to have him back into her embrace. "Come back to your mommy," Lilith's menacing laughter was heard.

The art of forgiveness may ease his pain, but the scars still remain deep within. Carter is still scared of her, despite the fact that he shouldn't be afraid because that would mean Lilith won. However, he can't help but feel petrified by her presence; his trauma and guilt are overbearing in his psyche.

Perhaps forgiveness is not the only thing he had to overcome. The mental problems and the fear he has towards Lilith are not just a simple trauma. But a fragment of his own insecurities resides in his subconscious. The fear of being responsible for the deaths of his parents and the guilt he causes to those around him, such as failing his loved ones.

Then she started sprinting towards him like a lunatic, cackling insanely, forcing him to quickly turn around and run faster than his legs could handle, feeling them burn and aching throughout the ordeal while gulping hard about what to do next.

"Get away from me!" He cried out; his lungs were begging for oxygen while his legs were starting to ache, and his speed was slowing down a bit as he saw the trees becoming larger, more dense. Making him realize he is becoming deeper into the forest. Away from civilization and further into the wilderness, "What do I do? What do I do?" He doesn't know what to do; he doesn't have any idea of what to do other than run for his life.

Tears stream down his eyes, hoping to wake up from this terrible nightmare he is experiencing. Even when the world treats him cruelly, his own brain is also his enemy, creating his personal demons just to torment him in breaking his perseverance of never having the courage to stand up and try again.

"I won't!" He gritted his teeth with a pause, continuing to run despite how much his legs were hurting. "I won't give up!" Life wants to make him suffer more, but he's not going to let that happen. Carter isn't ready to die, and he surely isn't going to give up his life from the past that has been hunting him. "Let me live!" Demanding the world around him.

"LET ME LIVE!" He yelled in desperation, skidding into the snowy ground, almost slipping, but managing to keep his balance by checking behind him. Seeing that Lilith wasn't there at all, he turned in another direction, but this time his whole scenery changed.

"What...?" Carter's adult form is back, strapped to a metal table with his naked, mutilated body visible from feet to chest; covered in bandages and cuts, fresh blood dripping down his face; coughing as the blood dripped from his mouth and nose; his agonized groans were heard: "Please anything but this!"

Before he was mysteriously saved and reincarnated, he had been taken to a place in hell, an empty room where he was strapped to a metal table to be tortured and raped, where his body was scarred and mutilated, where his skin was torn off, and where his bones were ripped from his body.

These demons, who were once humans before losing all their humanity after experiencing such gruesome suffering in their past, are repeating a never-ending cycle to unfortunate souls that ended up in this burning inferno, becoming monsters that feed on human suffering and terrorizing innocence.

They were the ones who did this to him, who forcefully restrained him, beat him, cut him, and raped him, who did not care how much he screamed, how much he struggled, or whether he was in pain, as their vicious acts continued without hesitation.

"Stop it!" He didn't want to go through this again, especially in this nightmarish dream. "Stop it!" Carter has been here for how long, experiencing every terrible act to the human body and having to endure whatever these demons had in store for him.

"STOP IT!" These monsters will not allow him to leave; he has no choice but to keep fighting. "LET ME GO!" Beating him, cutting him, and violating him were common activities in that horrible place, struggling and screaming, enduring excruciating pain, and wishing to be free, all for nothing.

"LET ME GO, DAMMIT!" But this is a dream, an illusion his subconscious had made that is based on his past; this isn't real—the burning of his nerves, the pain of his injuries, the anguish of being horribly mutilated, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" He will not be controlled, not again, and not like this.

They want him to become like their monster. Demon who has no humanity, losing the important traits of what it means to be human—empathy and compassion—something so powerful that no matter how much these freaks put him through, he willed himself to refuse to become like them.

Through and through, he will die as a human and remain as one. Despite the amount of torture and violation of his own broken body, his will is stronger. Even in his most painful moments, his will to live is far greater; no matter what, Carter is determined to stay alive and chooses his own free will to decide his fate.

Despite his past, his fears, the regrets he made, and the people he met, Carter cannot become like them for his own sake, his life, his loved ones, and his will. They will never strip him ever again of his own free will, of his dreams, of his own freedom, and of the need to see light.

"I won't let myself be like you," the young man struggled out a few words, directing them to Lilith and the inner demons of his past. "I will not be a soulless monster," he placed these words as a reminder, hearing them echo through his mind. "You cannot break my will, not anymore," he gritted his teeth in agony, wincing as the blood poured out of his nose.

From his burning determination in choosing who he wanted to be, Carter starts to break the straps with all his might: "Never again will I be a slave to my fear!" He continued to struggle, grunting in the process. "I will never lose!" he cried out in response. "I will fight back until my last breath, and then the image of those he loves and cares for entered his mind.

Those demons will never take him down, never again. "I will start a new life and live it to the fullest," he said, smiling to himself in pure confidence, "hell, heaven and earth, or whatever the fuck out there, the gods, the deities, and even otherworldly beings from other dimensions!"

The straps began to slowly break off as his whole body was popping with veins from his muscles, grunting in pain. "I will never again," through sheer determination, it was enough to make the straps break apart as he suddenly sprinted up in the air with his body, "BECOME LIKE YOU!"

Landing on the floor at all fours, Carter was panting heavily; his body was still covered in scars and bruises, while the pain he experienced was still fresh, his mind was clear, and his body was stronger. The young man cautiously stood up with his own two feet.

Resulting in the dream finally dissipating, it is rapidly replaced with white light that starts to blind his vision as a familiar, concerned voice reverberates throughout the emptiness: "Carter! Wake up! Master!" Her voice was enough to make him realize he's back to his sense of reality and his precious home, opening his frantic eyes as he stared above her tearful face.

"Yumi...?"

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