Entering his room, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Seeing hair on his upper lip, sent him spiralling. He wasn't going to be able to pull off the lady for much longer. How could this be happening now? He was only beginning to get comfortable in dresses. He needed to find a razor, he wouldn't be forced back into his old clothes. Searching for a blade, he noticed the package sitting on his bed. A rather large paper-wrapped package, with a maker's mark on it. Was it? Could it be? No, couldn't be. Yes, it was, it was Francine's makers' mark.
With tentative hands, he slowly unwrapped the package. What he found inside took his breath away. The gowns. How was this possible? These gowns were destined for someone else. He stood there in shock looking at them when he saw the note.
'Eldrick these gowns were designed for you. Your master wanted them to be a surprise. I hope they are everything you could desire. Francine. PS: if you ever want more come to me I will make them for you.'
Eldrick's eyes teared up reading the note. These gowns were too good for him. Especially now that he was growing facial hair. How could he ever wear them? With deliberate care not to ruin the gowns with his tears, he hung them up in the wardrobe. Turning back to the bed he threw himself onto it and cried. There was too much going on for him, nothing was as it was supposed to be. After a while, he fell asleep.
When he awoke in the morning his eyes were sandy and refused to open properly. His head pounded like someone was beating a drum inside it. He was lethargic, with his muscles refusing to respond to his commands. He knew he needed to get up and face the day, he wasn't sure how he could face everyone. Rolling over, he pulled the covers back up over his head. He lay there, tears in his eyes. He refused to get out of bed today.
A gentle shaking of his shoulder roused him. Looking down on him was Amaryliss, concern etching face. Hopping up to the edge of the bed she looked him over. With the back of her hand to his forehead, she clucked her tongue. Shaking her head, she hopped back off the bed.
"You're burning up. What happened? You seemed fine last night?" Reaching for his bandaged hand, she unwrapped the bandages. "When was the last time you changed this? Never mind."
Turning to the door she let out a loud bellow. "Caitlin! Get the bandages and the pennyroyal yucca salve." Looking back at Eldrick she spoke in a softer tone. "You push yourself too hard. How can you forget to follow simple instructions regarding the care of wounds? You know the rudiments, but don't use them to take care of yourself," she cursed under her breath. "I am going to need to work with the younglings once we take care of this."
Eldrick nodded while Amaryllis finished removing the old bandages. Tossing them aside, "Where is that fool girl? CAITLIN!!"
Caitlin burst through the door with the items Amaryliss had asked for. Impatiently, Amaryliss slathered a liberal amount over the wound. Eldrick gave a sharp inhalation of breath as it touched the tender skin. Amaryliss wrapped the bandages with care around the hand.
"You are forbidden from doing dishes until this heals." She raised her hand to forestall interruptions, "And I don't want any arguments out of you. Apprentice druid you may be, but I am a healer; when it comes to dealing with injuries my word overrides even that of the Grand druid." She turned to face the slowly gathering crowd. "As for you lot, there will be a few changes around here. For starters, the dishes will be done after every meal regardless of whether or not the castle servants are supposed to come in and do them. This house is going to become more self-sufficient. We will still be working on the lessons from yesterday."
"Caitlin can help teach shields." Eldrick's voice was breathy. Cailtin placed a hand on Eldrick's shoulder.
"My shields aren't as strong as hers but I have the basics. She already told me I was going to help her."
Amaryliss, nodding in acknowledgement shooed everyone out. Following them out she closed the door behind her.
Eldrick lay in the silence of his room listening to the chatter outside his door. He could hear Amaryliss giving instructions and their groans of reply. The sounds diminished as they moved down the hall.
He found himself drifting in and out of consciousness most of the day. Every once in a while he was awakened by Amaryliss' yelling. He never did catch any responses. Magical energies spiking and dropping periodically jolted him awake. He considered the need to examine their magical energy signatures so he could recognize them. He began planning ways to test their shields and skills. The infection in his hand was making it difficult to think. With that, he once again succumbed to sleep.
The next time he woke, he was feeling better. He could tell his fever had broken and he was hungry. His bed was wet and sticky from sweat. He desperately needed a bath. Knowing there was no one in the bathing chamber he made his way there. He knew he had to be careful with his hand but couldn't wait for someone to come help him. After struggling to wash his hair and clean the residual sweat from his body he got out dried, dressed, and went in search of a razor. Having found one he attempted to shave the hair from his upper lip. Having completed these tasks he went in search of food.
As he entered the dining hall, his senses were assaulted by the rich smells of the food, and the chatter of the diners.
"Hey Ellie. What did you do to your face?"
Eldrick reached up, touching his upper lip. His hand came away with small blood droplets. He turned to leave, ducking his head down to his chest as he felt the heat rising in his face.
"Oh, no you don't," Lugh laughed. "Tomorrow I think it will be our turn to help you out," indicating Yosef and himself. "After dinner, I have dish duty."
"Oh come sit down and eat. You must be famished." Amy's bright smile was a welcome sight. "I am glad to see you are up and about. But your hair is a mess. We will need to do something about that too. Just not tonight."
Eldrick took a seat at the table. He enjoyed being in their company though, he felt like a fraud. He tried pretending to be happy, even though all he could think about was the fact that he was developing facial hair and it would be difficult to hide soon enough. Try though he might he couldn't keep the smile on his face and others were noticing. He didn't feel like socializing but knew he had to make the effort. He couldn't understand why he felt that way. The meal was excellent though he really didn't taste it. Everything tasted like sawdust to him.
With dinner finished, he left the room. He was met by Amaryliss at the top of the stairs.
"I see you are having some doubts, about yourself? Or about something beyond your control? Come we will talk." Glancing at his hand, "I also need to change the dressing."
Eldrick nodded. He couldn't bring himself to respond in any other fashion. He didn't want to talk right then, but when the most experienced healer says you needed to talk, you didn't argue. He noticed she had fresh bandages and the salve in her hands. Entering his room she hopped up on his bed as he closed the door. She pat the bed beside her. Once he was seated, she took his hand and unwrapped it. The wound was visibly closing and the infection was gone. She cleaned, salved, and bandaged his hand back up.
"What have you been doing? This shouldn't be this well healed. Especially not with the infection I saw earlier." She was giving a look of scorn. "This looks like it has had magical help."
"I haven't done anything, I slept all day."
"I can't understand how this could be. I wish I could figure out how it's possible," her face changed from scorn to concern. "Now what is bothering you? I saw you at dinner, well let me rephrase that, Petal saw you at dinner." She reached up and held out her hand. Petal popped his head out of her hair and climbed onto her hand, where he sat down. "I don't really want to pry but if there is something bothering you we need to deal with it before you leave or it could affect how you respond to things. That could be dangerous with the Druid Conclave."
"Druids changed. Druids not nice anymore." Petal crossed his arms as he spoke. "Some druids nice. Most have become cruel."
"How have the druids become cruel?" Eldrick was completely confused. "I don't think Sergei would serve an organization like that."
"Oh youngling, they haven't always been that way. Sergei grew up on the tales of Servalin. The old stories and ethics of the man who created the order in the first place." She looked perplexed. "How did we get on this topic. We were discussing what was bothering you."
"I feel like a fraud. I don't feel like a man, but now the thought of wearing these beautiful dresses," he gestured to the wardrobe, "only bring me despair. All I have ever wanted was to be able to wear fancy gowns like the ones I got yesterday. But, now I am growing facial hair and I won't be able to hide it for much longer which means the dresses are out."
Eldrick ducked his head, shame causing his face to turn red. "I can't try to be what I know I am, because that would be the death of Sergei and myself. I can't walk away from the testing as that would mean I have failed. I agreed to be trained as a druid. I am not sure if I am fit to be one now."
He raised his face to Amaryliss, tears glistening in his eyes. "I don't want to give up the dresses! I am going to have to dress in my old clothes again," he closed his eyes tight, his mouth pinched. "I am going to have hair where I really don't want it."
He paused a moment to wipe his eyes. "The one I love is dying downstairs and it seems like there is nothing I can do to stop it." The tears were flowing freely now. "My mentor has left me here, (sniff) while he has gone off on some errand," he sniffled, "Without any word as to when he will be back. Our time is running out, there is no chance we'll make the conclave in time. And it is all my fault."
"Now, you listen to me. There is always hope. If you really want to change your outward appearance I know a few pooka who would be willing to help there. If you can be strong enough to master the tests of the druids you will have the chance and opportunity to challenge for the position of Grand Druid." Her eyes lighting upon a possible solution. "There are risks to that though. The first is that the challenge is to the death. And from what I know of Veldar, he won't show mercy. The cad has been in charge of the order for three hundred years. That's about two-hundred-fifty years too long in my opinion."
"How can it be too long? Dragons and the fae can live for a thousand years or more."
"Oh, he isn't either of those, he's a human. He's the reason the order is populated only by human men." Her voice was thick with derision, "He outlawed the teaching of anyone who wasn't a human male." It was her turn to duck her head. "Sergei's father died because of Veldar."
"Sergei has mentioned his father was a druid but he never got into the details of how he died."
"He died because he couldn't risk Veldar finding out about his true nature. So he sacrificed himself to save his son and grandchildren."
"That's horrible. Why would he stay in an organization like that?"
"The truth is, once you are a member the only way out is death. Now as for the facial hair I think the guys here would be willing to teach you how to shave properly "
"They mentioned it at dinner, I think. I really wasn't paying too much attention as I had other things on my mind."
"This lot isn't as bad as I make them out to be. Each one has a heart of gold. In fact, I think the Thormalkians have members of their own people who feel like you do about being in the wrong body." She scratched her cheek. "If I am not mistaken they have a name for it. Though I am not sure what it is. You may wish to ask them about it."
"I could, but I guess it will have to be tomorrow as I am sure it is getting late."
"You have skills they don't young lady! Use them for goodness sake. I am sure there are a couple hanging around just outside your door right now." Her voice rose in volume with the last sentence. "Why don't you come on in?"
Eldrick's door opened and Jane and Caitlin came in. Both looked at the floor in embarrassment. Raising their eyes to Amaryliss, they gave sheepish grins.
"How did you know we were out there?" Caitlin asked in surprise.
"For hunter trainees, you are not very subtle, yet."
Caitlin kicked at a nonexistent stone. "I should have known."
"What that a leprechaun could hear a heartbeat at a hundred paces?" Amaryliss joked. "Well Ellie, ask them."
"Amaryliss was saying she thought you have people who feel they are born in the wrong bodies and that there is a name for them."
"Oh yes, we call them twinsouled. Caitlin is one such though she would hardly admit it here." Jane glanced at Catilin with a look of don't say anything. "Honestly, Ellie, Yosef, Lugh, Cait, and myself sort of had a feeling you might be twinsouled."
"How could you tell? I mean I don't recall doing anything to give myself away."
"Oh, you silly goose. The first thing you did to give yourself away, was to not complain about wearing a dress. Well, actually that isn't entirely true. You are too soft-hearted and besides, have you looked at yourself in a mirror?"
"What does that have to do with anything. All I see in the mirror is a thin guy."
Caitlin rose and walked over to the mirror, "Come here and stand beside me."
Eldrick did as she asked. Once he was standing beside her he asked, "Now what?"
"Look into the mirror at both of our reflections. Can you tell me what we have in common? And what is different?"
Eldrick spent a good five minutes just looking into the mirror trying to figure out what she meant. "Well I am a guy and you are a girl, I am taller..."
She cut him off, "Look at our body shapes. You have a tiny waist, as I do, your shoulders are narrower than mine and slightly sloping where mine are square. You may not have breasts but the dress you are wearing makes it appear as though you do. We cannot see our legs due to the skirts but I have seen yours and they are definitely more rounded, as in you have hips where I do not." She made hand motions to indicate each point. "I mean Ellie, you have more feminine features than I do. But in some places it isn't safe to go around as the gender you should be. That is why I stay in female guise here. I could take up the aspects I would prefer without any problems just as you have. But once you leave the castle you really don't want to be in anything other than the form you were born in. There are those who find it disconcerting to see. In Thormalk, there is no such prejudice. Just like there is nothing about those who prefer the same gender as bedmates."
"Okay... How is it there can be such differences? I mean people are the same everywhere aren't they?"
"Hmph. People may be the same physically, but attitudes differ within a culture or kingdom. I mean in the castle they have had to get used to Jane and I, not to mention they have to deal with the customs of other kingdoms. Outside the castle walls, the people don't understand our culture or ways." She ran her finger's through Eldrick's hair. "In places like Craglim Reach women can love each other but if two guys were to do so they would end up beheaded. Gaullium is just the opposite unless you have power. You see, in Gaullium there are fewer women than men and so in order to maintain a population they made that law."
Eldrick dropped to the floor. Landing hard enough to bruise his tailbone. "I didn't understand the reasons behind some of the laws. I am going to have to be careful in Craglim Reach then. Sebastian and I are both men."
"You have a special ruling since you are a druid. They are outside the local laws to some degree. That is because they travel and may not be from the area they are exempt from that law. Though I doubt the order would consider it a good practice. At least not all of them feel that way."
Jane came over, then sitting on floor behind Eldrick she began finger-combing his hair. "I cannot let you go to bed with your hair in such a state." As she worked the knots out with her fingers she hummed to herself.
"I wish I could understand why the grand druid would make such a decree? I know so many women who are smarter than men that it seems a waste. Not to mention dragons. Think of all they could teach us of history. I am sure there are some still alive from the unending war."
"You know Ellie, I never thought of that." Jane finished with his hair. "There that should be good until the morning bath. I am getting really tired now and it looks like Cait has fallen asleep on your bed."
"Okay, I am going to get some sleep myself. No, don't wake her, she can sleep here tonight," Eldrick began undressing. "Here give me a hand moving her under the covers." Carefully he pulled the covers down while Jane lifted Caitlin off the bed. "Thanks, have a good night see you in the morning."
Jane acknowledged his call with a wave as she left, closing the door behind her. Eldrick pulling the covers up over the two of them rolled onto his side so his back was to Caitlin. He didn't want to think about how Sebastian may take this as an act of infidelity. He was going to do everything in his power to avoid any semblence of such a thing. As thoughts of Sebastian adnced through his mind he tried to find peace and sleep. Eventually it came, with the memory of their first night alone in the inn at the beginning of the journey.
